


I Wasn't Using You

by LIKEABOSS1234



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, M/M, S04E04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24708571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LIKEABOSS1234/pseuds/LIKEABOSS1234
Summary: Winston and Alex talk about what happened between them.
Relationships: Alex Standall/Winston Williams
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62





	I Wasn't Using You

Winston was so devastated about Alex. He couldn’t believe Clay told Alex about Monty and everything else. Winston sees Alex sitting outside his dad’s tent, reading a book.

“Lex, can we please talk? Like, now,” Winston asks.

“We don’t have anything to talk about,” Alex says.

“Uh...yeah we do. I know Clay told you that Monty and I were a thing, but I wasn’t using you to prove he was innocent. I really like you,” Winston says.

“I like you, too, but I just don’t know what to do. How can I trust that you really aren’t doing that?” Alex asks, “I’ve been used before, and I can’t go through it again.”

“And you won’t...at least not with me,” Winston says, gently grabbing Alex’s hand, “I promise.”

Winston sees Alex shiver a bit. 

“Are you okay? You seem cold,” Winston asks.

“Uhh...yeah, I fell into the lake earlier,” Alex tells him.

“Oh my...are you okay?” Winston asks, immediately going into worried mode. 

“Yeah, Zach got me out in time,” Alex says. 

Winston sheds his coat and wraps it around Alex’s small shoulders.

“Aren’t you going to get cold?” Alex asks.

“No, I’ll be fine. You don’t need to get any colder or you’ll get sick,” Winston says, smiling softly at the younger boy. Alex smiles back softly. 

“Hey boys,” Mr.  Standall walks up, “It’s almost time to eat.”

“We’ll be there in a second, dad. We just need to talk about some stuff,” Alex says.

“Okay buddy, don’t be too long,” Mr.  Standall says, walking over and kissing Alex on the head.

“We won’t, dad,” Alex says. Bill walks off and leaves the boys to talk.

“Your dad seems great,” Winston smiles.

“He is. He’s really great, but we’re ignoring what we need to talk about,” Alex says, “What about us?”

“What about us? I figured you’d hate me after what Clay told you,” Winston says.

“No... I don’t hate you. I don’t think I could hate you for that. You didn’t know anything about Monty,” Alex says.

“What if you come back to our tent and we talk about this more? At least for tonight,” Winston asks optimistically.

“I think that would be nice,” Alex smiles shyly, but still big enough that his dimples poke out, “Plus my dad snores so fucking loud and I’d like to get away from that.” The two boys laugh and then get up to walk to the picnic area. Alex wraps Winston’s jacket closer around him.

“You really like my jacket, don’t you?” Winston giggles.

“Oh hush, you’re the one who gave it to me,” Alex says.

They go sit with Alex’s friends. Clay eyeballs them, but the two of them couldn’t care less. 

*****

Later that night, Alex and Winston lie in their tent. Winston wears blue silk pajamas and matching socks and Alex has on gray sweatpants, guitar printed socks and a pale purple chunky sweater. Winston was fiddling with his digital camera. He points it at Alex, who is smiling down at his lap, and takes a picture.

“Hey! Come on, delete that,” Alex says, giggling.

“No, I don’t think I will. Tyler and I are the student life photographers after all,” Winston says, playfully.

“Win, come on,” Alex moves over to Winston’s side of the tent to try and grab the camera, but Winston moves it.

“No, I think this will go in the yearbook for the senior trip,” Winston says. Alex hits him gently on the top of the arm. The mood sobers, however, when they both remember what they have to talk about.

“Look, I know that it was wrong of me not to tell you what happened with me and Monty after everything you and your friends went through with him, but I just wanted to get through this as normal as possible. I got kicked out of Hilcrest and I just thought it’d be easier at Liberty,” Winston says.

“Nothing’s ever easier at Liberty,” Alex says grimly. He frowns at everything that has happened over the past 2 year.

“Yeah, I realize that now,” Winston says. The two boys stare at each other and slowly start to lean in until someone hits on the front of the tent. Winston sees the outline of an axe and pulls Alex down.

“What the-” Alex whispers before Winston gently puts his hand over Alex’s mouth. Winston slowly removes his hand and puts his finger to his lip to shush him. He sees panic in Alex’s shining blue eyes and wraps his arms around Alex comfortingly. He gently rubs Alex’s shoulder and turns off their light, hoping whoever is outside their tent will go away. He feels small tears drip onto his arm and moves to wipe Alex’s eyes. The person hits against their tent again. 

Winston remembers that he has a notebook with him and moves to get it while still clutching Alex’s hand. He writes a small note on the top of the page in his very neat handwriting.

_ It’s going to be okay. _

He shows it to Alex. Alex takes it from him and quickly writes something.

**_ How do you know? _ **

_ We’re safe in here. It’ll go away eventually. _

**_ Will it? _ **

_ Of course _

Sure, Winston may not believe it, but he wants Alex to feel calm and safe.

_ Hey, let’s lay down _

Winston shows it to Alex and Alex nods. They move slowly and quietly, as to not disturb the tent. Alex starts to settle into his sleeping bag, as does Winston. Winston hears Alex pull something out  his bag. He looks over to see Alex cuddling a worn-down sloth plush. Alex catches him looking and mouths, ‘Don’t tell anyone.’

Winston nods and smiles as the two of them drift off.

***** 

The next morning is when they start getting their stuff together to leave. Alex rolls up his sleeping bag and blanket and put them in his bag. 

“Okay so I said I wouldn’t tell anyone else about it, and I won’t, but I need to know the story behind that stuffed animal,” Winston says.

“Okay, so when I was younger, I had these stomach pains and I was in the hospital a lot because of them. So, what my family did was they bought me a stuffed animal of some kind so that I would be distracted from what the doctor was saying and focused on something happier. That sloth was the first one I ever got when I was 8 or 9 and I still use it as a comfort thing today,” Alex says.

“That’s really sweet,” Winston says, staring into Alex’s ocean blue eyes. They start to lean in.

“Hey!” Zach yells from outside the tent, “Hurry the fuck up and get to breakfast.”

“Yeah, we will,” Alex says back, “Damn, if I’d known we’d never get to kiss again without someone interrupting, I would’ve done it more before.” The two boys laugh. 

“Well, we should probably get going before your friend throws a fit,” Winston says. He stands up and holds his hand out for Alex and Alex uses it to pull himself up. They let go  and walk to the picnic area. They’d explained that they had made up to Tyler the night before so he would be nicer to Winston and they might still be friends.

“Did you take any really good pictures this trip, Winston?” Tyler asks from the other side of the table, where he is looking through some of the pictures that he took on his digital camera. 

“Yeah, I got some,” Winston smiles. He’s glad Tyler is actually talking to him again. “ Want to see them?”

“Yeah,” Tyler says.  Winston moves a little bit closer so Tyler can see. He changes to where Tyler can see the pictures and looks at the first one. He smiles. It truly was one of those pictures taken moments before disaster struck. 

“Hey, I thought I told you to delete that,” Alex says. 

“And I thought I told you no and that it was going in the yearbook,” Winston shoots back.

“Touche,” Alex says, smiling. 

“It’s an adorable picture, Alex. I can’t see why you don’t like it,” Tyler says, laughing at the two. Everyone at the table falls into easy discussion. Clay was looking at them  suspiciously and texting someone.

“What’s he doing?” Winston whispers to Alex.

“Probably texting Ani. She’s the one who outed me to him,” Alex whispers back. 

“That’s so fucked,” Winston whispers.

“Yeah, I know,” Alex quietly says. Winston grabs his hand under the table where no one can see it and rubs his thumb over Alex’s shaking hand. He looks up and sees Zach glaring at him. He raises an eyebrow at him.

Breakfast ends and they start to head back when Winston feels someone grabs his arm.

“What are you doing with Alex? You already broke his heart once and now what? You’re going to lie and use him,” Zach says harshly.

“No, I care about him. I was never using him,” Winston defends.

“Oh yeah? Well how am I supposed to believe you?” Zach says, “He’s my best friend and you’ve hurt him once. I need to make sure you won’t do it again.” 

“I won’t. I didn’t want to hurt him the first time. That was your guys’ ‘friend’ Clay’s fault so don’t blame me,” Winston says, before going to meet up with Alex.

“What did Zach want to talk to you about?” Alex asks.

“He was making sure I’m not going to hurt you again,”  Winston says.

“Sorry about him. He’s just my best friend. We’ve been through a lot together,” Alex says.

“No, I get it,” Winston says, “It’s good you have at least one good friend.”

“I have good friends. Clay’s just a little on edge, worrying about the future and everything,” Alex says.

“What about Ani? She outed you and  you're acting like it’s no big deal,” Winston says. 

“What am I going to do? She’s not here and even if she were, I doubt she’d even understand why it was such a big deal. If I do anything here, I risk my dad finding out. I know Clay knows and I think he told my friends, but my parents are a different story. That’s the one I want to be able to come out to normally, even if I’m scared,” Alex says.

“Why would you be scared? Your dad seems like a really cool guy,” Winston asks.

“He is, now. He realized after I attempted that he needed to loosen up a bit, but I don’t know. My family are Christians, for one, and for two, my dad sometimes slips into his old state of mind of thinking that being a man is only one certain way. I know it’s just years of him only learning that, but still... what if, you know?” Alex tells.

“Well, I may not know your dad that well, but the man I’ve seen these past few days seems to love his son and wouldn’t care about something like that,” Winston says, encouragingly. They get back to their tent and finish packing all of their things. They walk to the bus with all of their things and put them in the luggage compartment. 

The boys go and find a seat towards the back of the bus and sit together. Alex lays his head against the window.

“Are you tired?” Winston asks.

“Yeah, I was really nervous and barely got any sleep,” Alex says.

“Well we’re out of the woods and we’re finally going home. Burnham Woods sucks,” Winston says.

“Yeah, it does. I’m never going camping again,” Alex says.

“Agreed,” Winston says, smiling at the other boy. Alex smiles back before putting in his earbuds and closing his eyes. 

*****

They arrive back at the school around 2 p.m. and Alex has to wait for everyone to go home since his dad is a chaperone. Winston sits waiting with him.

“Shouldn’t you be getting home? Won’t your family be getting worried?” Alex asks, “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

“That’s the thing, I do want to stay with you,” Winston says. The two boys were sitting on the steps of the school. Alex rests his head on Winston’s shoulder. He knew he shouldn’t let himself get too happy with Winston because anytime that happens, it just ends in heartbreak. But at the same time, Alex felt so happy and relaxed with Winston and it was the best thing he’d experienced in a while. 

“Okay, if you’re sure,” Alex says. 


End file.
